Our current life (please donate or share)

A matress where we spend NINETY percent of our time that’s causing both back- and leg pain AND a severe nasal spray addiction cos of the dust, an old handmade dormer that leaks on three places whenever it rains, a window’s crack that’s extending every now and then, a gutter which smells really bad cos we don’t have a sink, a desk with holes that’s severly bended which functions as our counter and hardly 4k steps a day instead of the 15k+ we used to do, which causes for us to feel cold and unhealthy-ish…

EDIT: The storms of last week have completely destroyed our tent!!! We’re now STUCK in my childhood bedroom on a matress!!! CONSTANLY inside, constantly next to each other… We’re prisoners and haven’t even commited a crime!!!!

At 5 in the morning or sooner, it’s being decided for us we have to get up from our tent or room if we wish to not bump into other people when walking (or actually running!) our fur baby. Getting up this early is something I could do during summer and a part of fall, but as the days grew shorter, my mind would resist this more and more. If we were in the middle of nature then YES I could continue on doing this, but being practically FORCED, only to hastily walk my baby in streets and a stupid dirty park, then NO. So my man’s doing this part now, apart from the weekend where I join him.

Next, we won’t see anything other than four walls for the entire fucking day, with our view being a very long, 4-story-high flat literally a few yards behind mum’s garden.

Being huuuge outdoor people and having autism/hsp/migraine makes us not being able to be dealing well with CONSTANT noise from both the people living in these apartments AND the two motorways that cross our district. And our smell (especially mine) is better than most so to live in constant urban smells of the multiple motorways and people walking past our house and our neighbours who’s house smells of coffee and perfume 24/7, is almost a torture, since it prevents us to be in our garden and have our windows as wide open as we would like them to.

To avoid bumping into my mother (mind you, we live AT her, not WITH her), every single fucking day is literally the very same as the day before cos of her OCD.

At 9:30 am she walks her dogs and that’s when we do things like getting our food and fill the water bottles (no running water in our room), cleaning a bit, doing a small dish etc.

Next, we’re back in our tent or room until mother is off to either her mother or the supermarket. Until early December, we were too heartbroken after the trauma to be in our room, but from dec-march it was simply too cold for our fur baby (even though he has clothes, a sort of warming plaid and a mini heather). We also never liked to be here in the first place as you may remember from my first blog: we tried everything we could to NOT live here anymore.

As soon as mother has left, we get to to a large dish, refill the water bottles, tidy up and “walk” Fannar (read: let him do his business on a greeny thing in the street and then get back inside). The poor thing, in the olden days we would be in the woods for MANY hours EVERY day, but now, now it’s too traumatizing to use our car which, by now, is undrivable and needs its MOT. After that, we get all the ingredients I need to cook a meal for us all, in our room (!) on a cooking plate thing, on top of a horribly damaged desk… Yes, mother has a kitchen, but no, it would mean we would have to spend over an HOUR downstairs and cleaning the kitchen every. single. day since we have terrible blemish fear and my mum sort of lives in the kitchen, somehow…

So from 4pm to 7:30pm we’re back at my childhood bedroom until mother leaves to be with her boyfriend until midnight. My man then “walks” Fannar again, get fruit upstairs, tidy up and prepare for the short night.

So this has been our situation since late spring/early summer. The situation is very similar to an etremely hard lockdown for over TEN MONTHS at a place that doesn’t even feel like home, in a city that’s exactly the opposite of what we need. Very funny, except it isn’t. We are blamed for everything in the neighborhood and housing associations have always been reticent towards us. Too bad for them, since we’re the most quiet people on this planet. They somehow don’t trust us to be good renters, since we’re (especially me) still living at mother’s. This, of course, has different kinds of reasons, but none of them being that we’re incompentent.

People’s reaction to all of this? And by people I mean humans who DO have their own place to live, who DO have enough money and who DO have work, well, they’re pretty much saying “everyone has family issues” and “you still have a roof over your head”. This behaviour is called ‘toxic positivity’ and it’s very damaging.

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The second line of rainwater had formed next to first one. This was the second place where the rain would emerge, close to our bed. Lastly, a third place just behind our desk started dripping on the floor, close to a socket. The windowsill of our handmade 30 year old dormer had already cracked open and our desk was already flooding with rainwater from the first leakage. The climate crisis was showing their true colours once again. It hadn't stopped raining for a longer period. 
Not too long after boiling water to make a cup of tea, the window's big crack started having a side extension: it was expanding. Must be the difference in temperature where it would be freezing cold on the outside and steaming hot on the inside.
Our neighbor sent me a message. They're getting two professionally made dormers installed in the following weeks (what are the odds, all animals are equal, but some are more equal than other). Weeks, yes, where it would normally take a day or two. I guess they're renovating their entire house. Again. As usual. Our kitchen and bathroom haven't been renovated ONCE is the 31 years that we've been living here. We must be the only ones, no, we're for SURE the only ones.
So now they won't only -again- be very present these coming weeks, they also expected us to move our car which used to be our very little house on wheels for hours every day until almost 7 months ago. As you may understand by now, that car hasn't driven for as long as we haven't left mum's house. Not only will it be rusty and out of juice, the emotional side of it makes it that we can't be driving it. For now. There will be a day when we are ready to face even looking at it, but not today and definitely not when someone else demands it. Someone who's too simple and too much of a wannabe normal human (read: someone who's very much into this society and very much disconnected to their real self and nature) to even try to understand humans like us. 
We talked it out of the neighbors' heads by speaking to their workers (well, mum has). They confirmed they can manage the crane at the side of the road, rather than having to park it on our parking lot.
This is a similar situation as when those neighbors would get a parcel literally every day (sometimes even twice!) and WE had to write a note on our door asking the postman to stop ringing our bell when the neighbours weren't at home, rather than THEM writing one asking them to not bother US.