So hard…

I’m so done. Drained. My body wants to continue, but my brain doesn’t….
Not many people care or choose not to see, so I might we well share it here.

Mice everywhere, even in the room where our girl’s things are and where literally no food is. For many months now they have been here constantly, but they’ve been here since 32 years on and off. Tried EVERYTHING you can possibly find on the internet. They ignore every type of trap and food. Ordering poison today. We draw a line here where they not only poo/pee/chew on my girl’s things, but also where we live pretty much 24/7 and where they drive us and Fannar nuts during the night.

Hundreds of small moths every summer that eat everything that’s starch-y and we have a HUGE pantry so they’ve been here for several summers now and destroyed quite a bit by laying their eggs not only in our (closed/sealed off..!) food, but in our room as well, in our beds, in our drawers, where I cook etc.

No doors in our wardrobe – a constant anxiety for gross flies that fly on our clothes by the DOZENS that live in our garden and thus in our rooms, because mother allows all dogs to to their business there. Not gonna close the window, because it smells horribly due to the mice. An insect screen isn’t working, because the mice chew holes into them.

No proper bed, so anxiety for insects to walk/fly onto our mattress from the wall or floor.

Grandma can’t do a few groceries anymore for us that she used to do, due to lying in hospital, so I have even more pressure to not fail with ordering them once a week AND having them delivered on a specific time, or we don’t have time to bring them inside (very very very busy in the morning on the street and mother wants to start her day on the same time every day).

BF can only work on our broken car for an hour every day, because otherwise it’s too busy in our street and getting up even earlier isn’t an option, we need MORE rest in our stressful situation – not less.
So last week he found out that a line/pipe is broken after assuming it was another part that was broken only. Then he ordered the line/pipe right before the weekend, so it arrived yesterday after paying for express delivery (otherwise it would have arrived today). This morning he found out that the other line/pipe in our car is very stuck and we need a very specific type of oil for that. So ordering that today, which means it arrives tomorrow, which means my bf can continue working on our car on Thursday morning. Other people would have their car towed to a garage, but we don’t want others in our car and besides, it would be way too 🫰🏻 expensive.
This means I walk Fannar, something I never do in this neighborhood.

Continuing storing the four crates and three bags of food now, in a very small fridge and even smaller freezer.

Possibly doing the laundry this afternoon, after bf cleans it, because mother washes not only her, but her bf’s clothes in it as well and they smell of ash tray, because they smoke constantly in a sealed off house with no windows for five hours every night. Yes poor dogs.

Mother has the largest, paved garden of this street, but she does absolutely nothing to maintain it, so that’s our job and this afternoon I may or may not tackle the bushes with a hedge trimmer that we ordered yesterday. Tbh, I love working in the garden, but not THIS one, I mean, if it were up to mother, she would pave 100 percent of it and it’s paved now for about 95. The past years, even the non paved parts were completely bare, but since last year, my bf and I have planted a few plants and in spring there are tulips.
But even if this garden WAS perfect, we can’t be outside for too long unfortunately, due to the stimulations that are 24/7 present: only just then we were standing in the sun for about 10 minutes and we had to flee inside three times because people were smoking and a woman who walked passed the garden smelled of horrible, strong perfume. Yes, very unfortunate to live in a house that has a pathway to one of only TWO main entrances of the longest flat building in my country, that’s situated a few meters behind mum’s garden…..
Other than that, the only toddler and newborn in my neighborhood live right next door and their garden door is often wide open.