Finding my true north with Kalle Flodin

Now that my coacher isn’t working for a while due to pregnancy, I figured I needed some other kind of guidance. Since Kalle is living the life we wish to live (I mean, yes, EXACTLY the same life), I bought Kalle’s ebook.
I’m kind of cheating, since I’ve already noticed that he kind of works the way my coacher does, so I’m fooling myself a bit. However, since my coacher ISN’T living the life I wish to be living, Kalle could perhaps give me fresh insights and ideas that my coacher couldn’t give me.

30 Day True North Challenge

I’m going to journal about one question each day for the next 30 days (ahem, I may finish way sooner!)

What do I hope to gain from finding my true north? Why now?
Insight. Hope. A future worth living. Why now? Well, no one -apart from prisoners- should live CONSTANTLY 24/7 indoors with their depressed, malipulative, borderline mother in a childhood bedroom and tent with NO NATURE whatsoever. Something’s got to change. I’m worth MUCH more than to be treated as if I commited a crime.

What do I love to do? What could I do for hours without taking a break?
I’ve become more “me” since I was about 17, after my mother had left her verbally abusive ex boyfriend after seven years. I can finally have my mother for me alone without any interference and she also leans on me al the time. I even quit going to school – a place which I used to love going to – but I found out it was only a tiny bit better than being at home with that ex boyfriend and an unhappy mother.
The years following I would be with mother, like, constantly. She never really prepared us for the future. I think she liked looking after us. I never got independent and I failed to develop myself into me. I used to draw a lot of portraits. I liked doing this when we would still visit my mother’s ex, but I didn’t really like it later in life. I think I persued it because I was good at it and didn’t really think about what I really liked otherwise.
It’s only after a few years after getting my first boyfriend as an adult, that I would start finding out who I really am and what I really like doing. In the first few years with my boyfriend, mother would still be very present.
I love being outside in nature. I love hiking, cycling, skating (when I would still leave mum’s house), cooking, baking (a kitchen would be very welcome, though), photography (when I could still be in nature), eating and learning new things, especially languages and technology.
Am not into books. I can’t concentrate for longer periods of time.
What our bodies need most, is what I consume, as you may have read in the previous blog. That way, I feel healthy both physically and mentally and I can deal with life better than I would have had I neglected myself.
Waaaaaay too much time is being spent on my phone, on the internet since, well, we’ve been spending our time inside only since last June. Before that we would hike 10K ever day in the woods. I wouldn’t be using my phone until we would drive back in the afternoon. I love following Leena Henningsen, Kalle Flodin, Wearekingingit, Jits into the Sunset, Jonna Jinton, Janneke van der Meulen, Aar_is_on, Djack Littel, Emily Clarkson, VanVerhalen (and many more people living in camper vans), Stef Kusters, Isabelle Feteris, embracing_reality and multiple animal- and climate activits.

What did I love to do as a child? How can I bring that into my life?
To be fair, I don’t really enjoy looking at pictures from when I was younger than 9 years old. My mum would still have her ex husband (my uhm, you know, the other “parent”). I wasn’t really allowed to be free, to be a child and my mother was scared of him as well and she was very weak. I was very shy. A year later he would finally leave my mother, but she was too weak to look after us and two large dogs. She would get up at 6 AM to clean the house (OCD) and she didn’t really like it if I were to start fiddling – which I loved doing. I would often go to my grandparent. I loved being at their place, even though they would also have a very clean house. They weren’t as unhappy as my mother, though, which was nice.
I would draw, fold, play with clay, take pictures, do gymnastics etc. I also liked being outside with mother or my brother, even though usually it was to walk the dogs in the park. My mother’s new boyfriend would take us all to the small woods nearby and I loved going on vacation to bungalows in the woods a bit farther away in my country, even though being around my mother was often stressful and scary, especially whilst on vacation (mind you, she was sort of happy until I was about 5 and took really good care of me and loved me very much, that son of a bitch simply made a wreck of her).
I never really wanted to finish doing something before going to bed when I was 7, because I was always too scared of that man to NOT listen and when I was about that age, he would start learning me how to… you know….do grown up things after I had gone to bed. I’ve never really been able to really find out who I was as a child, because of oppression: my mother kept having new boyfriends because she thought she couldn’t be alone, all of whom would “help her with raising my brother and me” (which of course is a very bad thing to allow).

What are my core values? How do they support my decisions?
Authenticy, adventure, trustworthy, creativity, sustainability, honesty, enthusiasm, equivelence, senstitivity, health, humour, knowledge, love, courage, sobriety, posibilities, independance, enterprising, discovery, opennes, passion, pioneering, fun, purity, rationality, justice, calm, playfulness, quietness, satisfaction, challenging, responsibility, imagination, faith, friendship, valueble, truth, wisdom, selfknowledge, carefulness.

What are my biggest strengths? How do I use my strengths at work or in life?
Eating, running, cycling, skating, photography, writing, ability to perceive people, good at really being who I am, spatial awareness level is that of a genius, others can’t influence me, good at sharing, strong, language talent. I don’t do working yet, so I’m applying it to my life in general by always being me no matter what. By always giving instead of receiving (although I’m kind of struggling with this strength lately, since I feel like I’m so much better than how most people treat us, so sometimes I force myself to expect things from others as well, you know what I mean..? Even though it feels weird and against my nature. But by thinking how I would treat others if they were in OUR situation, I demand the same from others, somehow. It’s almost egocentric; I expect people to be and think like me). Writing, well, I’m HOPING I’m really good at it, you’re the judge.

What are my top accomplishments? What achievements am I most proud of?
I’m still standing after losing the love of my life. It feels a bit like I’m betraying her, you know.. Yes I’m an overthinker.
I don’t have any accomplishments.

What is missing in my life?
My girl, nature, freedom, peace, quietness, real silence, space, privacy, independency, inspiration

How can I bring more of my passions into my daily life?
I can’t in the situation that we’re in NOW. I’m trying, but it’s very hard. I COULD if we would have our own home, away from the city, the motorways around my district, the huge flat building right behind mum’s garden, mum and uh no nature at all!

What might I have to start or stop doing to embrace my passions? Why?
Stop living HERE. Get more freedom. And some nature – at all.

How can I be more helpful to those around me and to myself?
By teaching people how to look after themselves, they can then look better after those around THEM (remember: you can’t pour from an empty cup), but most importantly, they would live a life that’s sustainable and durable. That way, I help myself as well, since the planet becomes more habitable and spaceous again. Let me explain: by taking only that what your body and mind need, you stop taking what isn’t yours (doh) and nature can restore itself again (and I get to hike in the many woods available without walking into any other humans. Oh and I don’t have to fight for food in about 10 years from now – or less). 75 percent of nature is GONE because us humans prefer feeding 70 billion lifestock animals over all 8 billion humans. We eat more than our bodies need. We buy more clothes than we’re ever gonna wear. We buy gadgets we don’t need at all. We take flights to countries to flee from life, when you could -simply but not easily- create the life you don’t need a faraway vacation from (yes, those are my own words as well as Kalle’s, see one of my previous blogs about traditions).

What did I want to be when I grew up? Is this something I could be paid for today?
Happy. Free. Oh you mean job related? Vet, scientist, painter, rozzer officer (wel, more like a detective – not one of those sad fucks who enjoys giving tickets), firemanwoman, actor, cameramanwoman, stuntmanwoman, dog groomer, something related to the German language, writer, good at skating, err yes, I couldn’t make up my mind. I don’t think any of it is something I would be doing TODAY, apart from maybe writing.

What might I need to learn to improve a skill I could be paid for?
A lot. I’m oldish, people prefer seeing youngsters over 35+ people doing their thang. So I would have to be extra really good at something.

What am I good at that I can also be paid for?
I don’t think I’m very good at one thing, more like a little good at a lot of things. Not very autistic-y but hey.

What are some examples of times I were paid to do something I’m good at?
Err, never

How would it feel to go to work knowing I’m being paid to use my strength?
I wouldn’t go to work. I would want work to come to me in the first place. And yes, that would be ideal, wouldnt it?

What are my favourite personality traits about myself?
I try to live VERY sustainably. Or isn’t this a trait..? I’m honest. I am a giver.

Whom do I really admire? List out the reasons why I admire them
My man. For putting up with me 24/7 in my childhood bedroom in a huge city with my mother always at home whom he doesn’t like, when he used to live by himself in a nice apartment in a village where there’s MUCH more nature – something he longs for as well as I do.

If I died today, what dreams, what ideas, what talents would die with me?
My ideas won’t die. I would simply leave them here, floating about, hopefully landing with those who can practise them. My dreams would be insignificant to those who are alive and mostly to myself as non-existing, so there’s no point in answering that. Talents… nothing too significant.

What is something I have been putting off?
My whole life….? I”m very dependant of others which I HATE. Social income, no driver’s licence (and travelling by car is my ONLY option since I can’t be around other people due to anxieties), so I can’t just say: hey, I’m off! even though I wish now more than ever to just GO and be, so that I can FINALLY flourish to become who I’m meant to be.

If I could eliminate one time wasting habit, what would it be?
SOCIAL MEDIA. I used to not use my phone much, as I was always out and about doing my thang involving doing hikes, skating, roadtripping, travelling etc. Now, though, with every single one of them eliminated, I can do not much but to waste my time glancing at my phone’s screen.

In what way can I better my life the next month?
To become more independent.

What is my biggest fear in life?
Time (certain death of those I care about) and fire aka the forces of nature. That’s it, literally.

What things in life am I the most passionate about?
Leaving this world a bit better than when I first came to be.

How can I give my time, talents and treasure to make an impact?
I need to first live where I can be inspired. Im pretty much dead now inside. I can only truly feel and be and flourish when I’m in nature without others. I’m in a tiny room now with people staring at us at any given time through my window, since there’s a flat building RIGHT behind mum’s garden. There’s no place here where we can experience privacy. I feel so imprisoned when I have a deep urge to make a huge impact.

What do I love to do that I’m good at and can be paid for?
Nothing too fancy

List 10 things about myself I’ve never told anyone
Actually I’m an open book and very transparent.

Where is my safe place?
Nowhere atm. Does it have to be a physicle place? If not, then it’s wherever Im with my man and fur babies. My genuine safe place would be anywhere in nature, with said loved ones.

What makes me nervous?
The past and the future.

I’ve always been too busy to….
Not applicable. Never been too busy, altho I used to think I was, by running away from mum’s house, not seeing that it all could’ve been much better here, but it’s too late now…

Write a day in the life: what does it look like now that I’m living my true north? How do I feel?

"To me,
In about a year from now after trying for so long and after al many people bothered us deliberately and bullied you and after you lost your (fur) babygirl, you've finally found your perfect place to live life. That you had to fight so badly for something that everyone is entitled to, is quite unfair. Sadly, others act as if you ask a lot, whereas no one asks so little from life as you do. Who would be happy only with being outdoors all the time in nature, without any luxurious materialistic item apart from cameras..? Simple things like walking, cooking and just "being" is enough for you. A bit like your life now, only without being in a city constantly where others decide for you you have to walk literally in the middle of the night without any nature. 
Working days... You are very much against this system. You have to earn your life, so you're better off not existing if you don't join those greedy bastards into making them even richer and more powerful, giving you just enough to survive but not enough to NOT continue working your ass off. But then... You wanted to do something with your life, for others or in this case, the planet. Definitely not to become wealthy, but yes, having a lot of money is your goal: you want to help those who aren't privileged enough and you want to be the change that you wish to see in this world. So you would keep on living a simple life with just enough money for yourselves to be independent. 
You would want to achieve this from within or nearby your camper van or your little house in the middle of nature. You would have to start in the country you're currently living in, since you're not allowed to move abroad when you live from a social income. Yet you wish to flee as soon as possible, out of the country that's full of rules and crowded with antsy humans. Scandinavia? The Pyrenees? Even farther? 
Your days wont be THAT different from your current days, with the exception of being able to leave your house (on wheels) whenever you feel like it (no more forced, nightly, fatigue walks but proper hikes during daytime): getting up early, big breakfast, spending time in nature, having lunch either whilst hiking or back at home, then back home doing some chores and work, then a proper meal, followed by another hike and then off to bed at around 10PM. You would still be eating very healthy, but you will FINALLY be able to move your bodies properly like you did before last summer, so you will probably eat even more than you're doing now.
You won't have much materialistic stuff. You only have a phone now as well. Your man has a very old laptop, you may have to have one yourself when you are doing the work you want to do. No TV, no fancy other computery things like iPads, no other electronics apart from your camera equipment. 
You won't have any other humans around you, much as it is today. They've hurt you far too many times. But who knows, time is gonna tell. Maybe one day you get to live your lives the way you're supposed to and deserve..."

5 minute journaling

I have to bring out my inner child level of fantasy and journal about a day in my new, future life. What’s my true north, my life purpose? What career path am I on? How do I feel?

My identity

I have to write down five different things that identify me at this very moment in my life. Either professionally, the way I dress, my attitude to life or whatever I feel is me.

Acting on my true north

What small step(s) can I take daily to get closer to aligning my career with my true north?

How will I hold myself accountable for taking these steps?

Write down my next powerful action, when will I complete this?

Silence 30-day challenge

I have to find a place where I won’t be disturbed (errr, NOT possible!), sit down on a chair (don’t have one) or on the floor (can’t happen with my severe blemish fear) and quietly sit there with my eyes open for 10 minutes. Every day, for 30 days.

Let me get clear with you: I’ve been sort of doing this for a few weeks now. Almost every day, on my hometrainer in the back of mum’s garden. No music, no phone, just my thoughts only and err the sounds of my city: someone passing by often, many doors slamming a few METERS only behind me in the HUGE flat building etc. It can’t be done differently than this. I don’t have another room available. It’s either on my hometrainer in the garden or it can’t happen, since I’m ALWAYS on our bed with my boyfriend.

What if money was no object?

I have to sit down and make a list of how I would spend my time if money was no object. There are no limits

List 5 things that make me truly happy

Can you see what these activities have in common?

What is the worst thing that could happen?

I have to be real with myself, what could happen if I went for my true north? Or even worse, what would your future look like if I didn’t?

Make my voice heard

I have to share my true north online (I just did!) and tag you.

Then I have to make it more personal. I have to send this dream of mine to three people ( err, I don’t know that many people tbh). Three people that have never heard me mention this dream before (even a smaller chance of finding someone who wouldn’t know anything about me – I’m an open book). I shouldn’t ask for feedback, shouldn’t beg for encouragement and just tell them that this is what I’m going to focus on now.