Our old life

We are two highly sensitive 34-plussers with diagnosed autism, presumably ADD, anxiety disorder and severe fear of contamination. We live from one and a half social benefits together and we have difficulty making ends meet so we keep borrowing money from mum (who lives from only half a social benefit, which we also need to complete for her every month), so we pay her back immediately as soon as our social benefits are being disposted on our bank accounts, which causes us to begin every month with only a few hundred euros and then we need to borrow again after a week or two in this neverending, continues circle.

We only spend money on mendatory things like food that’s in the sale for ourselves and our two fur babies and petrol for our mendatory car (which also needs a few repairments and fixes here and there). Alsmost never clothes, never cosmetica like things for our hair or cremes, no make-up, never to the hair dresser, we never drink anything else than water and a cup of tea, no subscritions, nothing for in our room where we live (our mattrass lies on wood and our wooden desk that functions as a counter is full of holes) no days out, never to the cinema or spending time in a cafe/restaurant etc etc.

Two and a half years ago we bought an old camper from money we didnt have at all, so that we could escape mum’s house where my brother was still living as well. He used to game and call with friends allll day long and it killed us. To buy a camper wasnt a choice: it was either that or, yes, stop living…. 

The camper, however, made us suffer instead of happier. We are different and being different means people don’t like us, cos if people don’t understand you, you must be a bad thing or so. It’s hard to believe, tho, since we’re very quiet people who never listen to music, don’t have any friends (so no visitors), we spend about 5 to 6 hours in nature every day and we go to bed really really early. Result was that people would keep calling the rozzers to tell them we had a camper in the street (read: IN FRONT OF OUR OWN DOOR) and often even much less long than neighbors would claim. We were threatend on the internet that people would burn the camper, they’ve cut through the cable that was charging the battery which would have literally murdered my man had my man touched the cable slightly differently, they have demolished two of our then new tyres etc. We’ve literally parked our camper next to other campers, but only ours would get a ticket. We were allowed to park it for a short period of time next where rats live and where literally no one else lived, but the rats started inhabiting the camper and have destroyed all of the inside. We didn’t relocate the camper in time (we’ve explained that it’s our house AND we simply can’t move it too far cos we could never go back to mum’s place since we can’t use public transport with our fears) and now, yes, now it’s been taken away by the government who earlier claimed they couldn’t relocated it after we needed their help (payed!!). We’ve been trying to get our house on wheels back for more than 6 months, but in the end, it doesn’t matter, since fixing and cleaning all of it would cost waaay too much, but I want, no I NEED justice…. Also, my man had to repair the camper for hours everyday (didn’t have money to have it properly fixed) and he would get back with a black face all tired almost every night and the owners of camper places didn’t respect or believe that and didn’t give us time to pay later (once the rozzers even had to come after the owner shook his head upon us asking to pay in the morning, but he decided he didn’t believe us in the end….)

Last year we were not being given a house we wanted to rent. I was the first in the row. Papers were arranged and we were asked how we wanted the garden. Everyone agreed that we could have the house….apart from a woman who didn’t trust us literally only because we are not good at making phone calls. Yes. I’ve recorded everything. She said I don’t like calling them cos I’ve got something to hide….. Then she assumed that I wouldn’t ever contact them if there was something wrong in our house, she literally assumed cos I’m shy and don’t do phone calls that we’re evil and annoying to the neighbors, since we can’t work…… We were gutted. I cried my eyes out. A perfect little house with a huge garden next to the woods…. Gone forever…. And not much chance on another house now that there are very little houses on the market. We found very nice houses the last 7 years, but in the first 5 years my mum would threaten with with ending her life if we were to accept these houses and leave her……

We simply can’t continue living like this, in a very small room pretty much always in bed due to lack of space, in the same house as my depressed mum who’s RARELY away, with a huge flat behind the house in the outskirts of a big city. Due to our blemish fear we don’t use much else in the house, it’s literally only this room and bits and pieces of the house and sometimes the garden when no one’s watching. 

In the very very early morning we RUN to our car and drive to nature where we can sort of be alone. During the weekend we get up even earlier and walk a quick round in the park nearby where we otherwise literally never go since it’s so busy. And after coming home we do the same things on the same time every-single-day in order to not bump into mum. Especially my boyfriend can’t “live” like this much longer. He had his own place (you won’t believe how he lost that, he was bullied until he literally ran away with only a few possessions) and lived in a very small town.

We need a camper….a caravan….a small house somewhere nearby nature…. Where we can walk our babies at least 3 times a day instead of only once….. 

I know there’s people who literally don’t know what to do with their money. We need to leave this elite neighborhood (and preferable this whole country with the least possible nature) where people literally admitted they fancy bullying us cos we’re different. My boyfriend and I fight more than when things were slightly better and we can’t keep on both our feet in this society with constant pressure….

Yes yes I know, we don’t have cancer and we don’t have a visible disability, so I don’t have a sad picture to add with this tekst, but I can assure you the struggle is very much real. How can we continue living when all we need is our own place in nature instead of people now wishing to get to the hair dressers and cinemas and restaurants and WE can’t even have simple FREEDOM……?