Traditions for the sake of life

I’m standing in the sun that’s still very low above the horizon wearing only a jumper, a pair of socks and flip flops. Knowing that the sun is coming closer to me and therefore is gonna shine longer every day, is sparking my eyes.

The warmth itself isn’t making me happier so much, since I love the cold and the fresh air entering my nose and lungs, but the short days are bothering me. Where others get depressed caused by a vitamin D deficiency, I somehow only feel a bit locked up, if that makes sense. Yes, my man and I are literally locked up in my mum’s house, but with this I mean locked up in the days: as soon as the sun rises, we only have basically a few hours until she disappears again behind the flat that’s behind our garden. It means I as well only have a few hours to shine MY light and do the things I want to do, since the darkness feels like an uncomfortable blanket that’s folding tightly around me, preventing me to move.
A few pigeons are landing on the roof of our house, just like everyday, waiting for me to feed them peanuts. They, like me, are not aware of this tradition called Christmas, with the difference being that I KNOW it’s today and I’m noticing wannabe happiness on the internet and it’s busier outside, if my ears aren’t cheating on me.
I chuckle. I feel almost fierce, knowing that I’m happier in that moment staring towards the sun, than pretty much everyone else pretending to be happy with people they perhaps don’t even want to be with, only to continue “normal” life again in a few days. Humans somehow prefer living an unhappy life with a few exceptions, than vice versa. They prefer having many unhappy days doing things they don’t like and these celebrations give their lives meaning and a purpose. They look forward to a few exceptions like Christmas, birthdays and vacations, so that they can fool themselves into believing they need to have money to pay for these exceptions, so they continue doing what they don’t like in order to be “happy” for just a few days. According to most, so it seems, happiness means to be with family, regardless of you liking them or not. It means to buy a lot of “food” (read: tortured animals….?), stuff your face with it and buy each other many presents, products that you don’t need when there’s already too much stuff on this planet. It means to be fake and to adapt. It means crossing many personal boundaries. It means to pretend. Just for the sake of tradition and escaping real life.
And your life after January 1? I’m guessing you’ve come up with “good” intentions for next year (which are doomed to fail): making more money to perhaps have an extra day to be unhappy on, lose weight because…somehow you think you’re worth more when the number on your scale is smaller, saving more money, get a higher function etc. I then wonder…do you all only want to be happy when you’re 65 years old? You all think it’s worth it to bet on your own lives that you even get to become that old? And then what? Spend some of it on seeing doctors and some of it on a fancy coffin…?

You’re here NOW. Life tomorrow isn’t a promise.

Imaging going on a vacation, you don’t only like your destiny, no, you are enjoying traveling towards that place, if not, you’re enjoying traveling perhaps even more than your destiny! It’s the same with life, but keep in mind that your destiny isn’t a fancy hotel or the beach, no.
It’s certain death.

Exactly.

I decide to walk inside, since my legs are starting to freeze off now that the temperature is sub zero and the sun is gone. I’m going to our room where my man is waiting with fries and a burger. We notice the sun is still shining up here into our window and we have a great, simple dinner with the last few rays of sun shining onto our smiling faces.