Troopers

Not only realizing once more that we are actual troopers, but this time talking about it to my better half as well. Saying the words out loud to really believe them. Not many people acknowledge our tough lives, but I’ve decided that us celebrating it only, is enough. Even mother with whom we live in the same house and whom I speak to through Signal, has no idea what we’re going through and how much effort it’s taking us every single day to keep on going.
Our dedication and consistency in our conditions…. A toxic environment throughout the day, a LOT of stimulants 24/7 which isn’t benefiting our autism and migraine, my PMDD which turns me into another person for at least a week every month and us both having to deal with my dark thoughts and ugly words, getting not many hours of zzzz’s and still getting up at 4-4.30AM for quite a few days in a row now, living in the dark and never seeing any daylight except for 4 months in summer, having quite a few anxieties like germophobia, social anxiety and horrible rozzer 🚓🚨 anxiety whenever we’re driving our non road legal barrel, building us a humongous breakfast every single day to fuel our bodies and minds, making sure we eat a proper lunch and dinner as well and achieving 95 percent of our daily goals every single fucking day.
Today I ran our fur baby -who’s not happy and exhausted as well by living the way we are- to our van. We had put the very heavy passenger seat in the back of our car and my man brought it to install it in the van, which thankfully this time only took about 10 minutes.
Meanwhile I got the cushions and the mattress (which, surprise surprise, doesn’t fit in our van, so we’re gonna give it to mother) from upstairs from our little room in the storage building and brought them back to the van with this carriage thing. Mind you, the building is completely white, has no windows, elevators only which scare me and a lot of flickering lights aka a lot of stims. I’m still baffled I haven’t had a migraine attack in many months now, but I guess I’ve done my utter best to prevent this now that we’re surviving life the way that we are now, by taking the bestest care of my body.
We unpacked the cushions and put them on the wooden benches. My better half cleaned them after I left to run back home with Fannar, as the mattress for mother took up all the space in our car.
I think tomorrow it’s finally time to fill up the drawers and closets.
Quitting is not an option. Because we have to get the fuck outta here before the fireworks hell breaks loose.
Also: first time ever since October 12th that Fannar and I have entered the van…